I used to experience frustration when things didn’t turn out how I had planned.  I have a new idea at least every day, I make plans and I expect things to work perfectly.  I expect to write that book in a week, get lots of clients, get fit and lose weight.  I thought this was all quite reasonable.

But low and behold, it didn’t all happen!  The outcomes didn’t meet my expectations, I was frustrated (after all, I had done my best, I’d worked really hard) and I was so very disappointed.  The fact that I had written the opening chapter, taken on a new client and started running again didn’t help with my feelings, I had set my expectation high and hadn’t got there.  After all my Dad had always said that ‘if a job’s worth doing its worth doing well’ so I always felt obliged to do better.

I was never really happy, always feeling that I was underachieving.  I took up more and more things, expecting to find something, anything, that I could excel at.  I was so frustrated and so disappointed in myself.  Something had to change, I was wearing myself out.

I began by looking at my expectations.  There are, I reasoned, only 24 hours in my day, in any body’s day, however hard I tried, I couldn’t get more hours.  Given that limitation I needed to carefully manage how much I could expect to achieve and still have time to think straight.  I needed to give myself permission to take a break and to accept that I wasn’t wonder woman.  I had to be ‘good enough’.

I sat down and thought about what really mattered and what I wanted to achieve.  And then I considered what would happen if I just did my best and let go of the outcome?  I would go running but I would go expecting to enjoy it, not to run faster or further than I ever had before.  I set a realistic expectation.  The next time I went out of the door in my trainers I told myself to simply enjoy the moment, and of course, that is just what happened. I got back, just pleased that I had run and full of the glorious morning.

I tried the same principle on my writing, I decided to write the best I could and to enter the competition that I had seen but to do it for the fun of writing and the experience of polishing and finishing a short story.  I really enjoyed it.  I might not win, but I accept that and I am not in the least bit frustrated.  Nor will I be disappointed if I don’t win, it is what it is and I enjoyed the journey.

I have accepted that I won’t run a marathon or win the Booker prize, but I will still run and write and do the best I can.  I will, however, also rest and relax and accept things as they are.  And guess what?  I am no longer frustrated!

If you’re finding it difficult to process any unwanted frustration (or any other limiting emotions) then it definitely helps to talk to someone who can support you to uncover the route cause of the emotion..