Many of us over our lives experience challenges that range from the break down of relationships to the subtle impact of fear interfering with our enjoyment or the time we have with loved ones.
As a coach, trainer and consultant the conversations I have with my clients often move beyond business…
All of us have key relationships in our lives that are crucially important to our feelings of security, fulfillment and contentment.
Many of my business clients have admitted to me over the years that they find more enjoyment during the week than they do at home at the weekend!
Some of them experiencing guilt at having these feelings, after all shouldn’t they be making the most of that time with those they love the most?
So let’s look at why this can occur in modern life…
In Mihaly Czikszentmihalyi’s book ‘FLOW’ which is an academic study of happiness, he describes how greater levels of happiness and fulfillment come when our focus narrows to one thing…
Many people experience this as they grow the ability to focus on one thing at a time whilst having a long list of priorities…
Let’s then flip this and look at the experience of modern day family life…
When we are at home we will experience greater flow and happiness if our focus narrows, however this nowadays is not guaranteed!
Personal expectations of productivity at work together with modern technology mean that there is a real danger within family life.
What is that? Lack of presence!
Rather than coming home and putting work behind us to completely focus on being there for our family many in modern life find themselves some how trying to juggle work, digital entertainment and family time together….
There is no surprise therefore that many find this less than enjoyable and in many cases actually stressful!
The reason? Stress comes from having multiple competing priorities and your mind trying to be in two places at once!
Subtly this is where FEAR has its effect!
It is the subtle FEAR which causes us to pick up the mobile phone and try and respond to that e-mail at 6pm on a Friday or 10am on a Sunday morning.The story our mind tells us of what will happen if I don’t, the subtle FEAR of rejection from others…
Another subtle EGOIC response which effects quality of life is that of entitlement, and if I am honest this is something I picked up in my own consciousness a couple of years ago…
I would come in from work and think subconsciously (after giving at work all week) now time for me!
I would then be subtly disappointed when I inevitably didn’t get the lie in, didn’t get to watch the Sporting event I had in mind and I too found less enjoyment than I wanted!
Fortunately because of my training I knew the issue was mine than the fault of anyone or any situation and my awakening occurred one Mother’s Day…
I had the job of preparing a dish for the meal that afternoon and I found myself waking up early to get started in the kitchen!
I wasn’t happy and was murmuring to myself about not liking baking!
What happened? At the end of the day I reflected what a fabulous day it had been!
The kids had got involved with the baking and despite the kitchen almost looking like a bomb had dropped we had a whale of a time, great fun indeed. Children don’t need much to have fun…
I realised the reason that I had had such a wonderful day was because I had during the course of that morning changed the focus of my story from…
What’s in it for me, to how can I give!
Of course this was the story I was running throughout my business focusing on giving all week and the moment this became the focus that morning enjoyment and fulfilment followed…
That day I didn’t look at my phone once, we got out in nature and we ate all our meals together without electronic devises in the background!
These are simple steps that we can all take to enjoy our time with our loved one’s and to do so all we need to be is aware of how FEAR and the story in our mind can subtly impact our quality of life!
So, this coming weekend be disciplined with electronic devices having time out from them, get out in nature as much as possible and notice what happens when you commit to being FULLY PRESENT IN THE MOMENT with your loved ones…
Be conscious of the EGOIC pattern of thought that will tell you you need a distraction or entertainment and just allow yourself to be there for those you love without needing anything from them…
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